Are we in a gay sports bar?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
