New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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