hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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