I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
