That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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