***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're like the curious george of whores
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
