problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
