Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
