if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
