I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His nipple licking is glorious
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