i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
