my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
