my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
