thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
