we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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