Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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