I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
