i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize