I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
