1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
