I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
