Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
