This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
