There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
