I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You may now shotgun with the bride
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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