remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
