I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
