im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
