I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
