I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just forgot I was standing up.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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