I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We are all done wearing pants today
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize