He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
