I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
