dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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