There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I would fuck him just for his dog
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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