Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
