He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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