Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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