I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
