His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
