Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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