Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
