I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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