I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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