Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
