I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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