Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
