2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They have beer where we have blood.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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