Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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