nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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