U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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