You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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