i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
