I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
