his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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