After last night, I could never be a politician.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
