I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize