haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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