I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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