I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
