Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
