end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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