Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
