omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are we still banned from the library?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
