I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will be naked everywhere
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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